In case your wondering about the little icon, it's an emoticon and this one means good grief. I probably should have selected which is called shock.

I have a few things to be shocked about:
that I will be as old as I will be in a month or two
that I still live in the same apartment
that I am sans lover
and of course I am shocked that I am still doing WORD PROCESSING
S C R E A M S C R E A M S C R E A M S C R E A M

So much for boring topics

I put water as the title because I discovered today that 2 days ago, March 22nd was World Water Day. Who would have thought there was such a thing. So I looked it up on the internet. Below is what I found:

WATER WATER WATER
Our daily lives are built on water, and shaped by it. Without the water that surrounds us - the humidity of the air, the roughness of the river's current, the flow from the kitchen tap - our lives would be impossible. In recent decades, water has fallen in our esteem. No longer an element to be revered and protected, it is a consumer product that we have shamefully neglected. Eighty percent of our bodies are formed of water, and two thirds of the planet's surface is covered by water: water is our culture, our life.

The theme 'Water and Culture' of WWD 2006 draws attention to the fact that there are as many ways of viewing, using, and celebrating water as there are cultural traditions across the world. Sacred, water is at the heart of many religions and is used in different rites and ceremonies. Fascinating and ephemeral, water has been represented in art for centuries - in music, painting, writing, cinema - and it is an essential factor in many scientific endeavours as well. Each region of the world has a different way of holding water sacred, but each recognizes its value, and its central place in human lives. Cultural traditions, indigenous practices, and societal values determine how people perceive and manage water in the world's different regions.

As the UN's focal point for the promotion of cultural diversity, UNESCO aims to preserve and respect the specificity of each culture, bringing them all together and extending them in a more interactive and interdependent world.

Back To My Words:
In the article I read, it said that WWD is a day for us to appreciate the fact that we have clean water to drink. Which is true. There are quite a few places on the planet where people have no drinking fountains or sinks and they drink dirty water with animals and share water with garbage. I try to do a gratitude list each night and I don't think I ever put down having clean water as an item. These days it has been like pulling hen's teeth for me to list a lot of things that I am grateful for. Now I can at least start off with clean water.

Back to work. Not a good day at all. Didn’t get up and do any paper work. Didn’t even really play the piano. I did refill the Dammpchaser. I’m surprised I remember the name of the thing and I’m surprised I refilled it. It’s a piano humidifier. I think it has 2 kinds of humidifiers going on but I’m lousy at technical things. Basically, I ordered it and someone came in and hung out under the piano and attached it. I plug it in, the green light goes on and when it needs water the yellow light blinks. The water lasts in my apartment for about 2 weeks. There’s a plastic can with a red water line, which is not accurate in my opinion and there’s a bottle of liquid, which I think is oily and you pour a capful of that into the water each time you fill it. I hate filling it. There’s a tube that extends from a tank and lies in a little lip at the edge of the piano. You pour the water into the tube and the water goes back to the tank of some sort. It’s the most unpleasant and messy thing to refill. No matter what I do, water gets everywhere – mostly all over my rug and on the floor. Today I put paper down again but brought in a pot so that any overfill would hopefully go in the pot. It was better at first but then I couldn’t control holding the plastic can which has the water in it and the hose. I have the can tilted and the small nose fits in the hose but the water leaks out of the hose. It seems like since the yellow light goes on to refill the damn thing that the hose would be empty. But it’s not. So your filling up a hose that’s still full and it remains full and you keep pouring water into it. At one point, the holes wasn’t taking any more water. And then you have to manouever getting the nose out of the hose and holding the hose so that the water doesn’t spill. All over everything, which it does and the pot is of no consequence and anyway it’s sitting on the paper, on top of the rug and it’s on an incline and won’t stay in the proper position.

That was No. 1 disaster. No. 2 was trying to get the USPS (United States Postal Service) to take back some small boxes that I was not accepting. I ordered a product, sort of like vitamins, back in early autumn and they keep sending me more. Last week 2 boxes came at the same time. The postman rang my bell. I finally called them and got them to remove my name and said I would be sending their product back (unopened) and then I would getting a refund. They gave me a special number that I had to put on the boxes. So I finally got this done – writing down Return To Sender and putting this number in several places. On 4 boxes. And then I put them downstairs by the mailboxes only they sat there. Today I planned to call UPS, because I thought they were delivered by UPS and not the postman since they weren’t being picked up. It turned out it wasn’t UPS. After a series of phone calls, one of which was to call and have someone pick them up, which was going to cost me $13.00, and another which was to my local post office, where I’m told the postman won’t pick them up but I can talk to the manager who is out at the moment but I can call back, I hear the postman downstairs and I make a beeline for the first floor. The upshot is that the packages are bulky and the postman has other mail in the carriage he/she (today it’s 2 guys) wheels around and that there’s a security factor involved. If I don’t take them back myself and clear them, they’ll probably come back to me.

I don’t get out of the apartment until 5PM and now I have to take a cab so I won’t be late. And even then, there’s no guarantee I’ll be on time. But it’s Monday, so I’ll probably make it. If this was a Friday, it would definitely take me an hour in the cab. Thankfully I saw one as I was walking towards Columbus Avenue. It was on the other side, but there was no traffic around it, and he saw me, so he made a u-turn. Most of the time none of the cabs I want will make a u-turn. But then I always see other cabs making u-turns all over the place. I did make it to work on time but I’m not happy about being back at work at all.

I took off last Thursday and Friday to support 2 artist friends of mine. A female friend of mine that I recently saw, after not seeing her for maybe 10 years prior to that, was having an opening of her photography at a gallery in Chelsea on Thursday evening. I went early, first visiting another gallery, the owner of which was African-American and whom I had met on the subway 2 summers ago. We had talked about movies or a particular movie and he’d given me his card. The gallery was closed at that time as it was the summer. I had called several times after, over a period of a year or more, but he was never in. Knowing I was going to Chelsea, I looked at the card and saw that his gallery was in the same building as the gallery where my friend was having her opening.

The building was large with maybe 8 floors of galleries and/or studios and each floor has maybe 20 galleries, which means a lot of walking down halls. The African-American gallery, the N’Namdi (I think that’s right) was on the 3rd floor (and at first I thought there was no elevator). I just did some research and it is N’Namdi. George and his son. He opened his first gallery in 1981 in Detroit. Now there’s a gallery in Detroit, Chicago, Los Angeles and New York. I was pleasantly surprised at the exhibit. James Porter. I had heard about this man and his art recently and seemed to have stumbled upon the exhibition.

I liked my friend’s show. Only I was there alone and I had tried unsuccessfully for that not to be the case. I had invited someone that I’ve struck up a friendship with here at the Financial Center, who said he was a photographer, or at least interested in photography. I told him about the exhibit over a month ago. And like coming to my concert in December, he screwed it up, wasn’t abl;e to come and also I had gone out of my way to give him dates, phone numbers, directions. I was spoon-feeding this person. No more. He’s young. In his 20’s. He holds down a job and is very personable but other than that – I don’t know.

Then on Friday, I went to see and hear a guitarist/composer friend of mine that I have seen at least 5 times before. But I went again. And this time I absolutely hated his music. And I hated being in this small little college club where more than 2 things are going on at the same time and it was very very noisy. I also hated hating my friend’s music. And I know I’ll never go hear him again.

Are we too close to
wonder about the width of the
stain on the mohair carpet
or the bubbles foaming in the
bottles of sarsaparilla still
uncorked
from celebrating darryl's
first sentence

Friday, March 10, 2006. The beginning of a poem which I actually began yesterday. And I'm not sure why I feel like writing poetry. I haven't for a long time. But last week I went to a poetry site and signed up to be sent a poem a day. But I don't think they sent me anything. Sometimes I read the New Yorker and part of reading the New Yorker, for me, is imagining that one day I might find a story of mine in there, or a poem, or a drawing. Cartoons no. I don't do cartoons, nor do I have any desire to do them. They now have a cartoon competition at the end of each issue, along with the results and winners of prior cartoons. They put a cartoon there - a funny image - and you're supposed to make up a clever saying that fits with the funny image. I also like looking at the covers of the New Yorker. It's not that I don't like funny. Actually, most of the covers are funny and so are the cartoons.

Which brings me to laughter. I guess laughter deserves a poem. Or I could go watch the new film "Madea" which is supposed to be very funny. Two friends of mine told me about this film. The first friend also told me about the author, who used to be this homeless guy. Sleeping on streets or out of his car and everything. So now he's had many of his plays done and had branched out into films. Apparently he's got this wonderful "pad" or mansion even and is looking to marry and have a family. Now that he's got his stuff together.

Some months ago I was into writing essays. I started one entitled "Lil Kim Goes To Jail". And I wanted to write one about snow. SInce then I've printed out many wonderful photos of snow to inspire me. But I think maybe it might be a poem first. Maybe that's what it should really be.

Getting back to laughter. A funny thing happened in the elevator bank last night with one of the attorneys on 28. His name might even evoke laughter if you stretched the definition some. He's a partner, been here for a long time, so I've seen him but never worked for him and even if I had it wouldn't necessarily mean that if we ended up in an elevator bank together he'd say hello. Well the 2 of us were in the elvator area and I had already pressed a button. I was going up. So this attorney pressed a button. He was going down. I think I said hello to him and he did respond. But barely. Finally an elevator came and I went towards it and into it because the globe on the outside was white, indicating up. But then when I was inside I had this weird moment that I was on the wrong elevator. I posed the question and ultimately I got out of the elevator and the attorney got in. So there I am alone and I look at the buttons near the elevators. Only one is lit now and it's the down one. I calculate quickly that the elevator to come is going down, which means the elevator thatg just left was going up and I originally was in the right elevator. And what's amusing is that the attorney is in the wrong elevator. So the elevator arrives, I get in, I wait a minute before pressing the "up" floor and finally the elevator moves and goes up. I was only going up one floor and when I get there and go to get out, who should be just getting out of the other elevator but the attorney who wanted to go down.

It probably doesn't sound very funny - or maybe it does. But it was hysterical. Mainly because it was a partner and he's so serious.

There's another thing I was laughing at last night with another co-worker. Another partner and this one is really quite a sourpuss, is selling girl scout cookies. Seems his daughter's a scout. He emailed the whole firm. Juxtaposing this attorney with girl scout cookies is a riot.

Anyway, The title of this blog is actually, for the moment, the title of my poem.

I hope I finish it. Gordon Parks died this Tuesday. He was 93. A photographer, poet, filmmaker, musician, composer. He did it all. He wrote SHAFT. That's his baby. I want to be inspired by his efforts. I have to be more vigilant and more something else. I can't think of the word. Curious is not really it. I don't want to be at arm's length with myself and my creativity. Maybe that's why I started the poem. It also has to do with being at a distance with other people.

The 2 things I wanted to accomplish today I accomplished. (1) was calling HSBC and talking about my overdraft protection and hoping to avert my Con Ed check from bouncing. (2) was taking the cds I’d wrapped last night at work to the post office, and mailing them. I’d wanted to call the Bank around 8:30. It was 9:30 when that happened. And it turned out that I’d been paid – by TPW – and I didn’t even know it was payday. If I had been paying attention then I wouldn’t have had to borrow $3 last night; I wouldn’t have had to do all the machinations I did after leaving work – walking all the way ‘round to Vesey, walking across West Side Highway to the uptown side to get a cab; getting out of the cab after 3 blocks and still having 1 block to walk to the subway. All because I had so little money. And all the time my paycheck had been deposited. But we’re talking about today. So I find out I got paid and then find out that my Con Ed bill was paid. Then I find out that I still owe the overdraft protection $199. Part of this stems from August, when my well ran dry and finance charges were added on since then. So because of another unawareness, I’ve had to pay out money unnecessarily. Paying a bank does not make me happy. I get “one” finance charge waived, but I still ended up giving them $176 and change. Next I talk to someone about getting my overdraft protection reinstated. All I ever remember was someone saying you have overdraft protection. It seems that it’s hooked up to a line of credit. Which I never knew. And after I’ve been asked a thousand questions and I’ve answered all of them, I sort of understand how it works. But the guy said it was based on my credit rating and I don’t have a good credit rating, so how the fuck did I have overdraft protection in the first place. Then he asked me about whether I wanted a credit card and spent about fifteen minutes reading me the rules and regulations that have to do with getting and keeping a credit card. After which I told him I would wait, which I don’t think he was too happy about, after having read all he had to read. But that’s his job right.

Like I said before, I went to the post office. Unbelievable how crowded. It’s a fairly new post office, having moved a block, and a half from the old one, which was quite awful. But it’s still understaffed and always crowded and the employees are not really pleasant. Today it was xmas crowded. After you enter there are a couple of steps down and on your right is an area where they sell stamps, postcards, envelopes with stuffing and various other assorted postal items. There is a counter and sometimes it is manned – by a woman. Actually I just realized that there are no men employees in this post office. You can purchase money orders here and get the pay for small articles, but for everything else you must keep walking to the back where there are 3 stations. As you walk back, there are post office mailboxes on your far left, then there are a couple counters in the middle where you can write out forms, put postage on envelopes, or whatever else is necessary, and then a few feet before you get to the stations at the back there’s an area where they have a display of express mail and priority envelopes. They also have a couple of chairs. My plan today was to go to the small area up front, pay for my cds and put postage on them and get “cash back”. I saw a person leave the area and I was about to go right behind her because there didn’t seem to be a line, but then I saw the line was curving around a different way. And a lot of eyes were glaring at me for thinking I could just get in the line at the front. Thank goodness they have the self service area and I went straight there. It’s to the left of the steps and back. There’s a couple of stamp machines and mail slots as well as the self service scale. Right near the scale and the machine to figure out how you’re sending your mail and to pay, there is a big drum. Which is especially for this mail. It is wide and oval and has a big handle you pull down and then there’s this open bin. I had 5 cds and another little package and you have to weight each one, one by one. It’s a question and answer thing and then you have to put in your debit card to pay and you wait for your stamp to come out and then wait some more for the receipt to finally come out and then you start all over again. So after I’d gone through that whole thing 6 times I went to the drum to deposit the cds, pulled the handle and nothing would happen. And of course I think I’m not pulling the handle correctly, so I do it over and over and over. I even stay there for a few minutes trying to figure out what’s going on. It’s almost like something they would do on candid camera. There’s no sign or anything to tell you – THIS DRUM IS NOT WORKING. They might as well put up a sign that says KEEP PULLING THE HANDLE AND EVENTUALLY YOU’LL REALIZE THAT THE DRUM IS NOT GOING TO OPEN. Finally I turn around and put my packages in the regular mail slots.

I bought cat food at the supermarket. Now the supermarket is fraught with ………….minefields (disturbances). In the aisle where they have the cat food they usually have a cart piled with unwanted items. Only it’s in the way. It’s usually in front of the cat food I need or in front of the cat litter. So today they had set out 3 cardboard displays in the aisle. One on the left – in front of the cat food and the other two were on the right. I’m not really sure what products are on the right, only the freezer with ice cream. And oddly I’ve never bought ice cream here. I guess cause I only end up here in the daytime and I don’t get cravings for ice cream in the daytime. Only late at night. And they’re closed by 8:30 or 9PM. I think this display held tea. After selecting quite a bit of cat food I then went to the cereal aisle where I also saw Lean Cuisines. So I ended up getting 2 spaghetti and meatball lean cuisines and a salmon lean cuisine. I’ve never had the salmon. My intention was to take it to work, put it in the freezer and have it to eat instead of ordering out. At the checkout line I had a small altercation with one of the checkout ladies who was refilling the magazine holders. Seems like my cart got a little to close to her so she had to move it out of the way. And then the last little disturbance comes when you’re paying. I use my debit card so there’s a little contraption where you swipe your card. Only the contraption is fucked up. It’s very loose and swivels and even if you hold onto it it doesn’t really stay in place. The last time I was in there I asked the manager if he had a screwdriver. It was still in the same shape today. It’s like walking in jello or something. I got $10 cash back and left.

My next stop was the drugstore owned by a black guy. Ivan. And the name of the drugstore is Ivan Pharmacy. What else would it be. He’s a jazz fanatic and most of the time he has jazz playing. I went there to get dental floss. For some strange reason I can’t keep hold of dental floss. I keep losing the little things. I bought some dental floss at Duane Reade’s near me on Sunday – or Saturday – and I have no idea where it is.

I went home. To wait. I was waiting for a Fed ex envelope from Vanguard with my loan check. I called Fed Ex last night and gave them the tracking number. My envelope was still in Newark, New Jersey. Supposedly my envelope would be delivered by 3PM. But I was supposed to be somewhere at 3PM so I asked if they would say I needed it by 12 noon. It was a little after noon when I got back from the store and there was no fed ex envelope waiting for me. From all the craziness with my checking account the past 2 weeks, a check to my therapist had bounced. So I owed her. My session was today and she asked if I could pay her cash. Long story short, the envelope arrived almost exactly at 3PM. Then I had to go to the bank and deposit it. Luckily I have acquired a friend at the bank and she deposited the bulk of the check which will take about 5 days to clear, but she gave me some cash out of it. Of course I ended up at the bank a really long time so I missed my session – which I have to pay for. And I left the house without bringing the lean cuisines. They’re sitting on the floor in the bag in the foyer. Melting. Another waste.

I’m not broke anymore but I have to find another way. I can’t keep borrowing from my 401K.

The 2 things I wanted to accomplish today I accomplished. (1) was calling HSBC and talking about my overdraft protection and hoping to avert my Con Ed check from bouncing. (2) was taking the cds I’d wrapped last night at work to the post office, and mailing them. I’d wanted to call the Bank around 8:30. It was 9:30 when that happened. And it turned out that I’d been paid – by TPW – and I didn’t even know it was payday. If I had been paying attention then I wouldn’t have had to borrow $3 last night; I wouldn’t have had to do all the machinations I did after leaving work – walking all the way ‘round to Vesey, walking across West Side Highway to the uptown side to get a cab; getting out of the cab after 3 blocks and still having 1 block to walk to the subway. All because I had so little money. And all the time my paycheck had been deposited. But we’re talking about today. So I find out I got paid and then find out that my Con Ed bill was paid. Then I find out that I still owe the overdraft protection $199. Part of this stems from August, when my well ran dry and finance charges were added on since then. So because of another unawareness, I’ve had to pay out money unnecessarily. Paying a bank does not make me happy. I get “one” finance charge waived, but I still ended up giving them $176 and change. Next I talk to someone about getting my overdraft protection reinstated. All I ever remember was someone saying you have overdraft protection. It seems that it’s hooked up to a line of credit. Which I never knew. And after I’ve been asked a thousand questions and I’ve answered all of them, I sort of understand how it works. But the guy said it was based on my credit rating and I don’t have a good credit rating, so how the fuck did I have overdraft protection in the first place. Then he asked me about whether I wanted a credit card and spent about fifteen minutes reading me the rules and regulations that have to do with getting and keeping a credit card. After which I told him I would wait, which I don’t think he was too happy about, after having read all he had to read. But that’s his job right.

Like I said before, I went to the post office. Unbelievable how crowded. It’s a fairly new post office, having moved a block, and a half from the old one, which was quite awful. But it’s still understaffed and always crowded and the employees are not really pleasant. Today it was xmas crowded. After you enter there are a couple of steps down and on your right is an area where they sell stamps, postcards, envelopes with stuffing and various other assorted postal items. There is a counter and sometimes it is manned – by a woman. Actually I just realized that there are no men employees in this post office. You can purchase money orders here and get the pay for small articles, but for everything else you must keep walking to the back where there are 3 stations. As you walk back, there are post office mailboxes on your far left, then there are a couple counters in the middle where you can write out forms, put postage on envelopes, or whatever else is necessary, and then a few feet before you get to the stations at the back there’s an area where they have a display of express mail and priority envelopes. They also have a couple of chairs. My plan today was to go to the small area up front, pay for my cds and put postage on them and get “cash back”. I saw a person leave the area and I was about to go right behind her because there didn’t seem to be a line, but then I saw the line was curving around a different way. And a lot of eyes were glaring at me for thinking I could just get in the line at the front. Thank goodness they have the self service area and I went straight there. It’s to the left of the steps and back. There’s a couple of stamp machines and mail slots as well as the self service scale. Right near the scale and the machine to figure out how you’re sending your mail and to pay, there is a big drum. Which is especially for this mail. It is wide and oval and has a big handle you pull down and then there’s this open bin. I had 5 cds and another little package and you have to weight each one, one by one. It’s a question and answer thing and then you have to put in your debit card to pay and you wait for your stamp to come out and then wait some more for the receipt to finally come out and then you start all over again. So after I’d gone through that whole thing 6 times I went to the drum to deposit the cds, pulled the handle and nothing would happen. And of course I think I’m not pulling the handle correctly, so I do it over and over and over. I even stay there for a few minutes trying to figure out what’s going on. It’s almost like something they would do on candid camera. There’s no sign or anything to tell you – THIS DRUM IS NOT WORKING. They might as well put up a sign that says KEEP PULLING THE HANDLE AND EVENTUALLY YOU’LL REALIZE THAT THE DRUM IS NOT GOING TO OPEN. Finally I turn around and put my packages in the regular mail slots.

I bought cat food at the supermarket. Now the supermarket is fraught with ………….minefields (disturbances). In the aisle where they have the cat food they usually have a cart piled with unwanted items. Only it’s in the way. It’s usually in front of the cat food I need or in front of the cat litter. So today they had set out 3 cardboard displays in the aisle. One on the left – in front of the cat food and the other two were on the right. I’m not really sure what products are on the right, only the freezer with ice cream. And oddly I’ve never bought ice cream here. I guess cause I only end up here in the daytime and I don’t get cravings for ice cream in the daytime. Only late at night. And they’re closed by 8:30 or 9PM. I think this display held tea. After selecting quite a bit of cat food I then went to the cereal aisle where I also saw Lean Cuisines. So I ended up getting 2 spaghetti and meatball lean cuisines and a salmon lean cuisine. I’ve never had the salmon. My intention was to take it to work, put it in the freezer and have it to eat instead of ordering out. At the checkout line I had a small altercation with one of the checkout ladies who was refilling the magazine holders. Seems like my cart got a little to close to her so she had to move it out of the way. And then the last little disturbance comes when you’re paying. I use my debit card so there’s a little contraption where you swipe your card. Only the contraption is fucked up. It’s very loose and swivels and even if you hold onto it it doesn’t really stay in place. The last time I was in there I asked the manager if he had a screwdriver. It was still in the same shape today. It’s like walking in jello or something. I got $10 cash back and left.

My next stop was the drugstore owned by a black guy. Ivan. And the name of the drugstore is Ivan Pharmacy. What else would it be. He’s a jazz fanatic and most of the time he has jazz playing. I went there to get dental floss. For some strange reason I can’t keep hold of dental floss. I keep losing the little things. I bought some dental floss at Duane Reade’s near me on Sunday – or Saturday – and I have no idea where it is.

I went home. To wait. I was waiting for a Fed ex envelope from Vanguard with my loan check. I called Fed Ex last night and gave them the tracking number. My envelope was still in Newark, New Jersey. Supposedly my envelope would be delivered by 3PM. But I was supposed to be somewhere at 3PM so I asked if they would say I needed it by 12 noon. It was a little after noon when I got back from the store and there was no fed ex envelope waiting for me. From all the craziness with my checking account the past 2 weeks, a check to my therapist had bounced. So I owed her. My session was today and she asked if I could pay her cash. Long story short, the envelope arrived almost exactly at 3PM. Then I had to go to the bank and deposit it. Luckily I have acquired a friend at the bank and she deposited the bulk of the check which will take about 5 days to clear, but she gave me some cash out of it. Of course I ended up at the bank a really long time so I missed my session – which I have to pay for. And I left the house without bringing the lean cuisines. They’re sitting on the floor in the bag in the foyer. Melting. Another waste.

I’m not broke anymore but I have to find another way. I can’t keep borrowing from my 401K.