For those of you who aren't that savvy to the Twelve Steps, the Seventh Step is the following: Humbly Asked Him To Remove Our Shortcomings.

So I've been going to OA meetings and even tho participating isn't totally about losing weight, that's relly all I want. Being abstinent has eluded me. I was good in and around May and June, but then I began slipping. Quite honestly a large part ws due to "summer" and my not being able to keep up my exercise program. And once you start slipping a little, a little soon becomes a lot. So I've been slipping a lot lately, a mousse cake here, a chocolate cake here, slices of pizza here, too much pepsi, a bagel with cream cheese eaten with absolutely no iotas of guilt.

Part of the Program is to actually become acquainted with and practice the 12 steps. I bought the 12-step book for OA and the workbook back in May and as of yesterday I hadn't really "done the work". Read from the step book and start doing exercises on the steps. Tuesday I received a program call from someone I didn't know and it was such a gift. The person who called was having trouble with her eating. The conversation ended with our planning to speak again that evening. It's hard to explain the effect upon me - receiving this call from someone I didn't know. But it helped me to eat well all day and I looked forward to speaking to "my friend" again in the evening.

Today I went to a meeting and I forgot and thought it was a Friday, which is a step meeting. I found my 12-step book and raced out. Only the meeting was a literature meeting. But I carried the book with me all day and boy was it there when I needed it.

After my therapy session I was going to McDonald's on Eighth Avenue and 56th Street. They have a grand piano there and I was going to play for the first time since injuring my hand in May. I was also going to record my playing so I could see where I made my mistakes. I stopped off in the Duane Reade on 58th and Eighth, showed the salesperson the kind of cassette tape I wanted and allowed myself to be convinced by the salesperson that I was buying the correct tape, even tho from the looks of the package it seemed too wide. But I bought it and trotted off to McDonald's, tearing the cellophane on the way, only to discover that it was not the right tape.

I was furious and called her aloud an asshole,even tho she wasn't there.

After I played I marched back to Duane Reade to return the bogus cassette. I could feel I was still furious. The salesperson who had waited on me only had one person to finish with before I could speak to her but I was so impatient that the salesperson next to her was free first so I went to her. I started my story, explaining what had happened and forcefully took out the contents from the plastic bag - the cellophane in pieces, the receipt, and the bogus cassette. She didn't seem to comprehend what I was saying or didn't respond quickly enough for me, so I repeated my story. She finally called her superior, and then I had to tell him the story all over again, which didn't help my mood any. My original salesperson heard what was going on and involved herself telling me to calm down. Finally they reimbursed me. I had to swipe me credit card and press the appropriate selection and then they gave me a form to fill out, which didn't serve to alleviate my awful state. I thanked them and left, but I still felt wired and that I had acted out badly. I hadn't yelled or anything but my attitude was just - pissy.

I took the subway home and had to wait awhile for the train. I sat on a bench and decided I might write while I was waiting. I didn't think I had amything to read. But when I looked in my bag, I saw the 12-step book and decided to read it. It felt more than appropriate. And as I read I felt so remorseful about my behaviour in Duane Reade. Definitely a shortcoming that I need removed.

So finally the train came and I find a seat and continue reading and what comes to me is that I need to apologize for my behavior. So I think about returning to the store. I really just want to get home but my need to apologize wins. At 86th Street I get off and go downstairs for the downtown train. Once on the platform I'm at the front of the train, where I need to be, so I don't have to do a lot of walking. And when I get off the train a few stops later I go right up the stairs, thru the revolving door, up the escalator and then across the street to Duane Reade. The salespeople are in the same place as when I was there just before. This time I go to my original person. I have to wait for her to finish with just one person. When I'm face to face with her I start off with that I was just in the store and the whole tape thing, knowing that she knows who I am. And then I tell her that I want to apologize for my behavior and that I had wanted to use the tape right away and got very frustrated. But I didn't need to be so frustrated. She said it was all right, extended her hand, smiled at me and we shook hands.

I was a wonderful moment.